I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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