Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
