so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
