OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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