Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
