Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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