so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
