I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
