idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
