Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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