just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize