I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize