i permit you to call me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
