you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
