During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude i'm inner monologue high
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
