i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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