He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
