Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
two words: eviction party
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
