i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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