I wish life had little blips of pornography
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
