Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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