i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize