I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
