you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
