i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
