I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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