I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
