I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
