jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
