I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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