Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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