I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have aggressive nipples.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
