all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
