I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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