he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
