if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
