are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
