at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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