You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
