its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize