she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
