I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
