Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
