"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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