I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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