Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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