I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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