if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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