He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
