Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
