ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
