I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
