First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
