Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
