apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
