The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
