Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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