Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
