...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
