Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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