I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
