Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
