There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
