if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
