So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
