Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I love having hate sex.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
