Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
