Who did Billy Mays play for?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
