she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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