Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
