I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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