She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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