I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
