You're completely useless in the revolution.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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