I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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