I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
