I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
