Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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