I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
